Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Wherein Porfessor O Explains The Impossible!

Greetings fanatics of the graphic novel!

In this installment, Professor O is going to try to disentangle and explain one of the biggest mysteries the universe has to offer. It is something that has bothered scientists, scholars, philosophers, and every nerd who has tried to decipher the undecipherable, figure out the unfigureoutable, and generally make sense of what is complete nonsense. The mystery is not string theory (too easy to explain!), not the theory of relativity (please, Professor O could explain that in his sleep), not even the mysteries of time travel.

The Professor will try to explain (gasp) Marvel's "X-Men: The X-Ecutioner's Song"

Here goes:

Stryfe with Cable's face, attempts to assassinate Professor X (one of Professor O's best friends) by shooting him with some techno worm-thing, that overrun's the unlucky professor with a virus that turns him into some sort of robot/android/machine thing. Beast and Moira MacTaggert work tirelessly to cure him.

Cyclops and Jean Grey are kidnaped by Caliban. Colossus and Iceman help, but are attacked by more of Apocalyse's Horsemen of The Apocalypse. All bad. At first all think it is Apocalyse behind this mess, but it looks as though it is Mr. Sinister doing the duties.
Expliaining the innerworking of my time machine is simpler!
Lookit that, its Strable or Cryfe...whatever!
 X-Force sets out to find the would be attacker, as Mr. Sinister shows up and tells the remaining X-Men that Stryfe is behind all the hullabaloo. Cable time travels and shows up from the future and heads to Canadian intelligence for answers, where he runs into Wolverine and Bishop. Cable convinces Wolvie and Bishop he is innocent, explains that Stryfe is behind it all, and also that he and Stryfe share a face. Ugh, Marvel... 

Apocalypse figures out that Stryfe or Cable is the son of Cyclops. He picks a fight with Stryfe and is nearly killed, escaping death by teleportation.
This fight makes no sense.

Stryfe, with obvious parental issues, tortures Cyclops and Jean Grey.

Beast is able to extract the techno worm-thing, only to find Xavier's health is still deteriorating. Apocalypse shows up and convinces them to let him cure Xavier. Sure, why not?

Stryfe recaptures Cyclops and Jean Grey. Cable, Havok, Polaris, and Cannonball track Stryfe to a building with a forcefield which only lets in folks with Summer's blood. Cyclops and Jean Grey are able to escape and also fight Stryfe. Cable knows only he can take out Stryfe, but it means taking himself out too. Why not? A portal opens, Cable and Stryfe enter, where we are to assume they meet their respective makers.

Cyclops has lost his son (Cable) again.Yawn.

There you have it! An explanation on the mathematics behind love would have been much more believable, not to mention simpler. Good luck to all who decide to read this thing, the vast size of the story could only be matched by its incomprehensibility.

Until next time, fellow travelers! Keep reading those comics!!!

 Professor O

No comments:

Post a Comment