Life & Style | Panteha Goes Meditating

One of my new years' resolutions is to learn meditation.

A co-worker suggested Zen meditation and gave me some basic ideas about it. 

For right now, all I am going to do is to sit in a quiet place at home and try to clear my mind and focus and meditate. I heard that I should breath through my nose and count my breaths and sit straight.

Sounds easy enough.

My goal is to do five minutes of meditation this Monday-Sunday and see if I can observe any tangible benefits from it.

So here we go:

Monday, February 4, 2013 9:42 pm

It is 9:42 pm and I am telling my husband that I am going to meditate. I go to my walk-in closet and close the door. I sit cross-legged on the floor, eyes half shut. I try to clear my mind and count my breathing.

I am focusing on my leopard print travel bag to have something to focus on.

I am counting my breaths. One... two...three.

Boom, bang, dang!

My husband opened the closet door.

"I am meditating." I say.

"Woman I have your fresh laundry" are his exact words.

"But I am meditating."

He is apologetic, but he is putting away my laundry.

I am trying to clear my mind and focus on my breathing again.

I hear him burp in the next room. 

"Just ignore him", I say to myself.

One, two, three,....

Another burp.

Where was I?

I lost count.

Our cockatiel Smoky, is whistling from the top of his lungs downstairs and I can hear him all the way from the second floor.
 
Conspiracy is the word that comes to mind.

My back is really hurting.

Meditation is painful to say the least.

I lost count of my breathing again, so I start from the beginning.

This time, I go all the way to 19.

My five minutes are up.

I feel a sense of accomplishment.

Still the same old Panteha

Tuesday, February 5, 2013 9:20 pm

I meditated for 8 minutes today.

I counted my breaths all the way to 100.

Middle of my back was really hurting while I was sitting cross legged on the floor but my mind was pretty blank.

Is it a good thing?

Next time, I should sit on a pillow. 

At the end I was breathing very peacefully and quietly.

I am still the old Panteha I think.

Wednesday,February 6, 2013 9:56 pm

Today, I read some articles about meditation. 

I have learned that some people make an altar of their favorite things and do their meditations in front of it.

I don't think I am ready for an altar yet.

I am meditating in my walk-in closet again. This time, I am sitting on a folded yoga mat, but it doesn't help with my backpain. 

I am better at counting my breaths. In & out counts as one. I went all the way to 130.  

All of a sudden, I feel like I am outside the world looking in.

Water is dripping in the shower and the dripping is getting louder and louder. 
 
Ghosts?

Nah!

I have been sleeping better lately. There are nights that it takes me a couple hours of tossing and turning to fall asleep. It hasn't been the case in the past two days. 

Does it have anything to do with meditating?

I have no clue!

Still the same old Panteha.

Thursday, February 7, 2013 10:23 pm

I am cranky and tired.

I didn't go to the gym today and I am in a really bad mood.

I am hoping that meditating is going to help.

It is 10:23 pm and everyone is asleep.

Today, I am resting my back on the wall, trying to calm down, and meditate. I am counting my breathing and I go all the way to 100. 

I think by the time I looked at the clock, I was sitting there for 10 minutes. I am still tired and cranky. 

Sleep is the best medicine for my tired bones.

I am going to bed. Enlightenment can wait.

Friday, February 8, 2013  9:30pm

Cranky and unfocused are the words of the day again. If they give away prizes for crankiness, I would qualify for the gold medal today.

I have been reading a book by Dalai Llama, but today, I feel too ashamed to open it as if I don't deserve reading it.

Let's see if meditation is going to help. Meditated for 5 minutes.

No miracle in sight.

Still cranky.

I am going to bed.

Saturday, February 9, 2013 9:35 pm

I am telling my daughter that I am meditating.

" You are medicating?" she asks.

" No meditating. I am going to basically sit in a quiet corner and think."

God it sounds like I am giving myself a time out at the age of 4o.

I go to my closet and ask my daugther to call me in five minutes.

When she calls, I am not ready to come out. That is a good thing I suppose.

I feel wonderful today, maybe because I went to the gym this morning and had breakfast with my family and cooked a great homemade dinner for my family.

One more day of meditating left.

Wish me luck.

Sunday, February 10, 2013 6:49 pm

I am in my closet meditating again. I like that five minutes of uninterrupted quietness. I am at the end of my experiment.


Conclusion:

I think I am going to stick to meditation for a bit longer. I have been sleeping better and I think I am a bit more focused. I think I like these mommy time outs and I shall continue giving myself these five minutes time outs to just sit still and do nothing and just think or try not to think I guess.

Signing off until next Monday- Panteha